Weakness

"When mental energy is allowed to follow the line of least resistance and to fall into easy channels, it is called weakness" - James Allen

I went back and forth on the title for this post.  It was a tight race between "weakness" and "interruptions".  I experienced both this weekend and honestly, didn't handle either the way I should have.  On Thursday night we took off for a long weekend of camping and flashing, twinkling Christmas cheese in the form of Silver Dollar City.  We wanted to get on the road early on Thursday, but work ran long and daylight disappeared.  We packed the motor home in haste and headed out, promptly forgetting the new car tag I had just picked up at the DMV.  This was irritating, but I figured any police officer could run the VIN number and see that it was registered.  After about an hour on the road, my husband mentioned some problems he was noticing with the motor home as we were driving so we decided to leave it running while I ran into a fast food restaurant for our dinner.  My frustration over frantic packing, potential vehicle problems and forgetting the license plate tag resulted in a order of french fries and a large bag of Starburst.  An hour and half later, we were broken down on the side of the road just outside of Springfield, MO.  It was getting late and tensions were running high.  My nervous energy about our situation resulted into a pile of Starburst wrappers and headache from the sugar rush.  After an hour or two of tinkering and troubleshooting, we were finally able to limp to Springfield and check into a hotel well after midnight.

The next day required decisions and action plans for what to do about our transmission problems, temporary storage for the motor home and its contents, new accommodations in Branson so that we could actually attempt to enjoy the weekend with my parents, etc.  No need to go into the details of the rest of the weekend, but I can say that it seemed to be one hurdle after another.  Insane traffic, stores missing the single item you need, broken bed frames, etc.  One interruption after another.  My finely honed patience was dwindling and all those old destructive eating habits settled back into place.  Candy, large portions, soda... my weakness knew no bounds.  Even as I sit here typing, my stomach reminds me of the dark chocolate covered cranberries I consumed earlier with reckless abandon.  I feel that old familiar stomach ache and intense, painful regret for giving into my weakness...again.  So this is me, fessing up.  My name is Amanda and I will always battle emotional eating.

My point in divulging all of this is two-fold.  1.  To serve as a reminder to myself how empty emotional eating truly is.  Candy and junk food never cures the pain.  The fear of the scale and the amount of sit-ups necessary to undo the damage isn't worth the best flavor of Starburst (which is Cherry, by the way).  2.  To help me move past the interruptions and weakness toward a healthy balance once again.  Consistency and routine will restore my faith in the process.  I'll pull those Wonder Woman boots back on and let my Bracelets of Victory deflect stress, frustration and stray bullets.  ;)

"The greatest weakness of all is the great fear of appearing weak."

Jacques Benigne Bossuel